Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
