I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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