i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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