I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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