if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
