My liver just broke up with me...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
