peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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