awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
