i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
