9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
