I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
