I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
