May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
even my farts smell like vagina
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
