I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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