spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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