my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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