I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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