yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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