Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
