I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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