How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
