so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
