The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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