Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize