Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
