I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
