My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
