I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
