The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
