i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
