The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
