you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize