did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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