What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
