I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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