She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i came on her dog
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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