the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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