You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
