So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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