My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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