Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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