so explain again why im purple
no
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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