somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
