Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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