Kiss
Puke
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
