Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
