btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
