After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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