At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
