He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
