where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
