Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
