i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
should my penis look like a turkey
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
