I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
