wanna go halves on a baby?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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