Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
