She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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