So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
