I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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