You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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