Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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