Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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