i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
