i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
