Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
