We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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