First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
