Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
