i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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