its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
