Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
