Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
