So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please don't give away my fajitas
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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