Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
